~~~ Floetry ~~~
“Love reflects hope when ego is taken out of the equation” X was a piece of hot coal, burning red out of the darkness she once came from. Others tried, failed and succeeded in walking over her but I just wanted to hold her in my hands, so she never felt beneath anyone. Naturally, I could never hold or protect her for too long, she was never mine to protect. Despite this, when I wasn’t tossing her in the air for relief, my vulnerabilities were melting though the holes she created in my palms. Over very little time, my reflexive movements became paralysed. I surrendered the rest of my body and mind, to continue keeping her afloat. Neither of us had the right skills to build our space in an air-tight way, but we loved each other organically and this was enough for then. We took firm grip of our broken tools and built a shelter made for ‘Us’. A space that only we’d know, created with our blood, sweat and fears. Together we used our kinetic energy, to launch each other forward. Always each other’s cheerleaders, no matter what vulnerable position life left us in. We felt the elements of platonic and romantic love, could not create the colours that we shared. So we produced a bespoke and magical colour, to paint the insides of our walls. We filled our space with laughter. Music. Dance and books. And ornaments that we collected from the long Australian roads. It was pure synergy between us, bliss, never before felt. Until reasons never given, the lights in her eyes turned out. X Closed the shutters on our home, shamelessly, over night. The same eyes that lit our space, had now plunged it into darkness. Confusion set into my mind, through the avenue of no communication. What had I done wrong by treating her with love-honour-and-respect? Why was I no longer good enough to stand tall by her side? Perceiving this as daylight robbery, compare and despair lined the walls. Not a game I was going to win, with no input of compassion for myself. Animosity and self-doubt, the only languages I could speak, as X abandoned our home but still laid comfortably in my bed. My stomach turned to knots, cruising the linings of surrounding organs. A playground of circular thoughts, provoked unconscious everyday movements. ~Expectation.Frustration.Rejection~ Left to feast on tumours, lips remained sealed. Black-matter generated the raw script, that my voice box later revealed. SILENCE, still the weapon, X carried close by her heart. A professional at slicing people open and leaving them in parts. Her drama's eventually slicing, communication, to my telephone-board. Content with not knowing her, for the foreseeable future. Rejecting all lines not traced, in deep introspection.
Wishes & Travel (02/17) Today I woke up and I missed you. I missed your smell, your energy, your bestowing. I missed that feeling that today would be something different. Something new...something thought provoking... I wish I could be nowhere again, with wings beneath my feet. A drunk sense of perception, the ONLY thing guiding me. I wish I could run back into your arms, so I could feel at home again. Your mystery, escapism, freedom, are just the very basics I crave from you. I wish you were still my reality. My comfort, my soul, my belonging. But for you I chose to sacrifice everything foreseen, to live in a world of the undisclosed. I wish security, comfort and stability, were not your polar opposites. But I believe in a world of options, and a future I cannot see. I wish I never tried to conform, I felt like a stranger to me. But without these dull experiences, how would I have grown and felt free? So I'm putting back on my blindfold, releasing my wrists from conformity. Taking the risk that this will all float well, listening to the beat of my own free will.
~~~ Song ~~~
Raw, Uncut & Unapologetic
Frustrated love
(02/18)
Transpired
(05/20)
Let me introduce you to a girl I used to know, She spent her life thinking she would always feel so low. Until one day she stood up tall and said her last goodbyes, She drowned out all the noise and stopped believing all the lies. She spent her days feeling things that made her feel so sad, The voices in her head said she’s a worthless piece of ass. People grew tired of her anger and her pain, Refused to see it was not her and labelled her insane. She shot that pain into her veins until she didn’t know her name, She numbed herself from all the people who’d ever caused her pain. Until that day she stood up tall and exhaled it all away, She realised she’s a butterfly and saw beauty in her pain. She understood it was not her but the things that she’d endured, She freed her mind and flew away and gladly closed that door. She morphed into a diamond so compressed by all the force, So let me introduce you to a girl you ought to know. She’s kind but tough and strong and soft and she will always understand. She’ll hold you tight and feed you words that make you feel so brave. She’s the woman that transpired from the anger and the pain, She realised freedom was her choice and paved a brand new way. So don’t let people tell you you will never ever change, The choice is yours, it always was, so fly with all your grace.